Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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