True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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