Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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