What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
