I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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