even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
