The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
