yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
