You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i believe in u and ur pee
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
