Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
