Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
These tits shall not be calmed
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