Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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