i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
