Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
