New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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