But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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