We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
