I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
