That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
