Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
