On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
