i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
