I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
