Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
