ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize