i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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