That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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