im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
