Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just pee around me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
