I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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