I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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