i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize