note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I love having hate sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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