: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
