im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
