mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
