are you still at the devil's house?
I am puke
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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