party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fuck appropriateness.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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