I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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