I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
