sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
