final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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