Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
