That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize