Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
