Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
