So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
