yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize