i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
