Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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