that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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