there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
