This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
