once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
