you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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