you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
