just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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