and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
