You really coming over, don't trick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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