wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
