Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
