As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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