zippers are such a cool invention
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize