I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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