My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
