oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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