I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
