alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
