According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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