I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize