So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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