I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
