There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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