He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize