What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
