you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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