I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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