Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
