We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
