there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
