As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
