i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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