quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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