The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
