You can't special order awesome
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
