so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
