call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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