His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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