Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
