is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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