i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
