Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
