She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
