WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
