eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize