haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
