I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize