You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
