My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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