she looked like the before picture.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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